Sam
blue belt
I have a daughter. Her name is Maya. She’s eleven years old. I wanted to get her something. I wanted to give her a place where she could get in better shape and make friends. My partner told me that martial arts are beneficial for young kids in many ways. I felt like she needed to be more active and I was worried about her weight too. I thought jiu-jitsu would be a good opportunity. She was very timid at first, but it ended up great. So then I opted to join because grappling is something that I’ve always truly loved.
Q: Was that in school, like wrestling?
No, just being a kid. I was one of those roughhousing kids. My mom used get unhappy phone calls from other parents because I would put people in headlocks. Of course, it was useless, but you get into rolling tumbles, somebody gets hurt, parents get called, and it’s not a good look. But growing up, I always loved fighting.
So I thought, what a great opportunity to lead by example and join her. She would do the kids’ class while I watched, then I’d do the adults class right after. It worked and she was really happy getting stripes. Eventually, she decided to quit because she didn’t share the same feelings about getting bruised and hurt. She’s always been one of those determined girls, “I don’t want to do that anymore.” I totally understood it. But I got bit by the bug. It felt like all of my adolescence and childhood boiled down to finally being able to fully explore that side of myself that I never had the opportunity to.
It’s tough being smaller. I’m 137 pounds, about 5’2”. I like holding people. I prefer holding someone bigger and using grips rather than being squirmy and escaping tough situations, but it’s challenging. That’s a reason I lift weights: I need to put on muscle. It just sucks when you don’t have the size to necessarily evaluate your skill through other people, because you’re too busy trying to literally survive. I don’t want to crank stuff on people, but it’s like —I don’t mean to, but I feel like I don’t have any other physical option. I’ve got to use my speed.
When I was younger, I remember wrestling with friends and feeling like I understood them better through it. I don’t know how to describe it, almost spiritual. Some guys felt rigid and bony, uncomfortable in their bodies. Wrestling them felt uncomfortable. Other guys felt fluid and connected. Things didn’t hurt as much. It felt different. I gravitated toward those guys. I don’t feel it as much now because everyone here has the same mindset. It’s good vibes. Everyone’s there to get better.
Q: I don’t want to attach mystical abilities to jiu-jitsu, but it’s hard not to sometimes.
Yeah, definitely. I’m super interested in spirituality and mind over matter.
I was adopted. I was adopted as a baby from Peru. I was like three months old. So I don’t know any Spanish. I don’t know any South American culture. My mom — she’s white, but of Eastern European descent, Polish/Russian, probably fourth generation. She’s Jewish. So I’m Jewish. I grew up surrounded by Jewish culture. If you were to ask me what being Jewish means to me right now, I’d say it’s the community I grew up in and how I choose to live.
My partner is not Jewish. She’s actually adopted too. She’s Peruvian. We met when we were little.
Q: Have you been back to Peru?
Twice. I went back when I was 13, and when I was 17. I do have a birth family. I’m the fifth brother. I have four brothers, but my dad is MIA. I later learned he has another family and he’s doing his own thing. My mom passed away with ovarian cancer right before I went there. So I wasn’t able to meet her, but I did meet my brothers and my sister. My adopted mother really wanted me to meet them, to see where I came from.
I love my mom. She is the best. I wasn’t always the easiest kid, very rowdy. Lots of emotion, lots of anger. But she stuck with me, and I’m forever grateful. In high school, that anger gene hit its peak. I wasn’t doing well in school. I was very angry, very depressed. I was getting into a lot of trouble, so my mom decided, as a last resort, to send me away to an outdoor camp. And I really resented her for that. I hated it. I just wanted to go home.
Halfway through the camp, I decided to run away. I had to go. It was in North Carolina. So I was in the Appalachian Mountains, just running. That was when I finally broke. I thought I was going to die out there.
Q: You were lost in the woods? Up in the mountains?
Yeah. We would hike in the mountains all the time. I couldn’t take it. I remember it was raining one day and I was drenched. I was like, “I just can’t. I can’t.” And I ran.
I told them I needed to use the bathroom. They were like, “Alright.” And I was like, “I need to go number two.” They’re like, “Alright, here, take the shovel, go over there.” As soon as I was out of sight, I dropped that shovel and started to walk. Then the walk turned to a jog, then to a run. Next thing I know, I’m sprinting. I don’t know where the hell I was going.
I remember being super emotional and crying, “I fucked up, I failed everybody.” I was talking to God. Crazy.
Then I said, “You know what? I messed up. I know there’s no going back, but if you give me a chance to come back, I promise I’ll do better.” I felt… I think that was my only true, honest connection with spirituality. That’s when it really sparked. I just told God: “Give me a sign. If I’m supposed to die out here, then so be it. I lived a great life, thank you.”
I remember getting up, walking in one direction, and it led me right back to the camp.
Q: How long were you gone?
Nine hours. There’s a police report out in North Carolina trying to find me. My mom was worried sick. She was praying. When I came back, the camp director just came in and looked at me. He’s like, “Are you hungry?”
I was totally open to all the punishment I was about to receive, which never came. But I remember doing the program, coming back, and changing my whole life. Doing better in school. My teachers gave me the opportunity to redo all the classwork from that year, so I didn’t have to skip a grade. I did it all. I passed. I went to college. I graduated. That day never really left me. I think that’s when the anger kind of resolved.
But that competitive, primal vibe… when I started jiu-jitsu, I definitely loved it because I love that fight.
I was used to fighting my friends — we’d wrestle in parks and stuff. I remember just getting roughed up on the dirt. That’s kind of my tactic. I’d gauge how strong you were by how much you were able to trouble me to begin with. I’d play defense, like, “Okay, you do what you’re doing,” and I see, “Alright, is that what I’m working with?” Then I’d take people’s backs and strangle them.
It’s crazy thinking about it now: all the stuff we’ve learned, and then you’re like, “How could I have even wanted to do this when I didn’t know anything about grappling?”
Q: For you, the physical problem is size. For me, it’s age. I can’t compare myself to someone younger because they just have more gas in the tank. But the great thing about jiu-jitsu is that not many people can look back at their younger self and say, “I would beat the shit out of that person.” I mean, I would fucking kill that guy.
I always want to improve; I’d like to train five days a week. But lately I’ve been doing four to three. I have some regrets when I started compared to when I would’ve liked to start. Because I’m 33 right now, and I wish I started when I was like 25. But growing up, I loved music. I loved being a musician. I played guitar. In high school, I was into heavy metal. Playing shows in the city. Another guitarist was on the wrestling team at Martin Luther King High School. So it became a personal project for me to submit him, but he would always know when I was going to shoot. He’d pull me, jump out of the way, and then somehow he was on my back. I was like, “How do you do that?” I was obsessed. It’s always been this beautiful passion, always kind of there with me.
Q: Are you from New York originally?
I grew up on the Upper West Side. My mom was on 79th and I’m on 84th now. She was a single mom, so it’s nice to stay in the neighborhood and be close to her as she gets older. I love the West Side community. I recently left a corporate job at GCI Health as a web designer. I’ve been working with a former coworker doing freelance work, taking on new clients, and doing our own thing.
Q: Are you using AI now?
I’m incorporating it. It’s powerful, but it can’t necessarily ask the right questions for you. It can send you down rabbit holes. It can give you elements that speed things up, but you have to know what to ask. Sometimes it leads you down paths where you think, “Way too many holes. I’ll do it the way I know.” Some of my friends are more into the backend coding side and use AI tools a lot. I’m more front-end. Design, functionality, promotional stuff for companies. If we need a backend solution, my coworker has the connections. I’m more plug-and-play. Managing your own deadlines is a beast. I’ve realized I’m not always the best at managing myself. I have to give myself deadlines; left to my own devices, I can drift.
Q: What’s your partner’s name?
Megan. I met her in Peru. She’s from Minnesota.
We met because my mom told me to experience my culture. She thought it would be great to go through a program with a whole bunch of adoptees, reuniting and seeing their birth families, seeing their first country. And so it was me and a whole bunch of guys and girls my age. And the moment I saw her, I felt, “That is the girl for me.”
We stayed in contact through middle school and high school. She had a relationship up into college or something. And I was like, you know what, she’s cool. She was also my best friend, so we would always talk. When we were in our late 20s, she finally ended that relationship. A few years later decided to move to New York. She moved here for me, but she also always wanted to be in New York. So it kind of all worked out. My daughter is not hers — I had my daughter with a previous partner, but now my daughter loves her, and she still has her mom.
Q: Who do you mostly train with?
I really appreciate rolling with Nick. If I don’t get submitted by him, I’m in a good place. He’s a beast. A tank. Very athletic. We reconnect well with the same energy.
Q: Who’s your favorite instructor?
I like all of them. They’re all different. Luca was always a little wary of me because of my energy. He’d be like, “You’ll learn.” And I’d be like, “No, I don’t want to slow down.” But I also knew it was hard to distinguish being in control versus wanting to be in control. I also never wanted to irritate or upset people with the way that I roll, because it can get a little intense. I remember talking with Megan and telling her, like, “I feel bad — some of my rolls might have gone a little out of hand.” It’s complicated, you know? When you’re with higher belts, it’s like guardrails: they can control you if you’re too wild.
Q: You always have a big smile on your face when you walk in. You seem really happy to be here. And we need happy people around. You don’t want people coming in and bringing baggage or taking things out on others. You want people who are glad to be there. You make the place better.
I appreciate you saying that, because I really try to show my appreciation for you guys, and… I don’t know. I want to show you all love and respect. I live for that, because we are a tribe.
I love jiu-jitsu life. I love the gym. I love the people there. It makes me appreciate this gym… the values and the people who go here. So I’m lucky I found you all. I truly appreciate and love everyone. I feel like you’re extended family now, in a way. I want your love and respect. I live for that. I want to be a part of the clan. I want to make everyone better and I don’t want to ever hurt anyone. I don’t want to do that. I just want to… I love you all. What a place to be.
This is part of a weekly series on the people who make up jiu-jitsu culture
